when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
