You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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