So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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