My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize