She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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