I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
