I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
