have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize