Jerry, you need to find god
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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