We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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