if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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