escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
