Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
