Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
