Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
