the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
