they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
