That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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