I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
