Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
