How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize