Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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