I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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