I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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