that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
