you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
