I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
