You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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