so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I will pee on everything he values.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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