I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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