You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Bring me that man meat
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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