Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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