from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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