Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm at about main and main street
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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