If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We talked him into tasing himself.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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