He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
