A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
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