Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
