it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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