Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
