True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Are we still banned from the library?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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