Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
