all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize