my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I still have a little drunk in my system
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
