You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize