maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
