I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
