think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
