he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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