WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
