She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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