Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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