Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
