i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize