the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
