Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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