if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
