the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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