i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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