Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
