So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
