using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
