Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
