Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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