HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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