My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
