69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
