No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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