Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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