so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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